Day 2: I Barely Made It

Today's practice was long and grueling and trying. I should have a holiday coming up soon, like tomorrow, *wink, wink* and totally rationalized not getting on my mat today. My head was killing me and I was like super tired. I could barely keep my eyelids open when I got home from work. All I wanted to do was wrap myself up and fall asleep on the couch, which is so rare for me. I never want to take naps. I can't take naps.  I just felt so drained like there was no energy left in me to do anything else.

I fell asleep but woke up to my phone buzzing and remembered the promise I made to myself to get on the mat everyday (save rest days, moon days and ladies' holidays). With every movement I made, from lifting off the couch to each step taken to get to my room upstairs to picking out my clothes to coming back downstairs to wipe off my mat to putting on my asana clothes to walking back to my mat was a battle. And I know this may seem so silly but it was. 

In my head, I had to constantly soothe myself and remind myself how good this is for me. And the mere fact that it was such a struggle was a blessing in disguise, a divine reminder that apparently this practice is good for my Soul and, ultimately, beneficial for my spiritual path. If it were easy, no growth could result from it and growth is what I seek. In order to transform, one must fight and endure many trials and today was definitely a trial for me, a true testament to what this challenge will look like. 

For it is usually around this time that I fall off for a few days, weeks or even months. Consequently, this is the time where I am most enthused and energized to re-commit to practice. See it is during my "lady" time that I get a sudden burst of energy. So much so that I feel like I can conquer anything, hence the re-dedication to the ashtanga practice, and then a day later I'm completely drained of all life, emotional and irritable and feel as though the world is coming to an end and don't want to put efforts towards anything. 

Today was the downside, I was drained. But from where is unknown to me, I mustered up the drive to say you know what just step on and do 1 Surya Namaskar A and that will be enough today. Once I did that one, it turned into all 5 Surya A's and then all 5 Surya B's and similar to yesterday,  I was off. Off like a tortoise though.

I took so many breaths between each pose and me and Samasthiti became best friends. It was there that I fought between vinyasas and asanas and everything to keep going. I looked to Samsthiti to ground myself and root myself in good thoughts and positive vibes to dive deep for strength and motivation to keep going. The work and efforts I was putting forth were so apparent that for the first time, I had to wring my headband and a steady stream of water flowed forth. 

I made it and am so proud that I did because it's usually on days like this that I gave up, but for the first time I kept going...

Have you ever had an asana practice or any activity that you knew was good for you but you had to fight and find motivation to do it?