Feeling Good...

*A pic from Daylene Christenson's demo at Lululemon
NorthPark. No worries she said we could take pics ;-)

For weeks, I've doubted my practice. The actual 'quality' of it. The progression or more specific to my thoughts at the time, the lack of progression. All the modifications. The lack of jump throughs and backs. I've doubted, if I've been truly practicing. 

Today that all changed for me. I went to the demo of a well known ashtanga teacher. She is very well known within the ashtanga yoga community and I'm sure one day she will be known around the world. I wasn't sure what to expect as this was my first asana demo ever in life. Of course, I attended by myself, so I was nervous as to who I would talk to, if anyone, would I be able to talk to her. I kind of piddled around and sat in the back. You know the usual loner stuff.  I decided not to be my usual loner self and just insert myself into a group of people.

Never would I have imagined that this demo experience would have the profound and yet subtle effect that it has had on me. 

Have you ever had one of those experiences whether it was through conversation, action or sight, where you just all of a sudden fill this sudden burst of energy to do more, be more, do better, be better? To just start doing and quit with all of the excuses? 

That's what Daylene Christenson's demo did for me. 

As I sat there watching her practice in the entry way of a lululemon store with people constantly coming in and out, walking in front of her, behind her, walking past her with their "oohhs" and "aahhs," she stayed calm, collected and yet accepting of the semi representation of chaos surrounding her. She would stop in her practice to tell passersby to come in or let people know it was ok to walk in front of the store. The scene was a like the picturesque image of the contemplative concept of maintaining equanimity and peace no matter the situation. 

If that wasn't a profound confirmation in itself, her practice definitely was. She maintained this graceful concentrated flow the entire time. As I watched, I could tell through her careful and focused movements that her asana practice meant much more to her. That it played a much bigger role in her life than simple action and poses. Asana went much deeper, was much more.  

Maybe I'm projecting what my own practice means to me onto hers, but it just felt like so much more. And my initial assumptions were slightly confirmed in our very brief conversations that followed. She described her path into ashtanga yoga as something that happened, that begin to take a more dominant role in her life. She didn't describe it as a rational decision, but more like a flowing that she allowed to carry her.

I asked her questions about the beginning of her ashtanga journey and shared with her a little of where my current practice is. I told her that I practice at home with no teachers, no classes just me and I was unsure of how to continue. She confirmed that one pose at a time was the way to go. That despite the poses that I've already learned still being modified, I need to keep progressing, but that wasn't what really hit me, what really had me feeling good. It was what came after. She asked me, "Who is your teacher?" I meekly replied, "me?" "Your practice. Your practice is your teacher."

I was completely blown away. Although, you couldn't tell it in my reaction as I was trying to keep my composure and not look like some crazy out there fan or something. 

"Your practice is your teacher."

In essence, she was telling me to listen to myself, listen to my body, listen to my body as it moves from pose to pose. To listen and flow.  To let my practice be my guide. Listen to it as it subtly tells me when to go forward, when to press pause and focus in, when to make adjustments or modifications. Let my practice flow and I flow with it. 

In 5 simple words, she taught me so much.  That whole entire experience had me feeling good, on a high of sorts. Originally, planning on going to the movies and stuffing my face with sugary candy and drenched butter popcorn, I wanted to eat a healthy, wholesome meal and go home to make it to bed early enough to get up and practice in the morning without any excuses or any setbacks. I left wanting to change, wanting to make whatever changes in my life that needed to be made for me to go deeper into my yoga journey whether it be through diet, formal study, home study of yogic scriptures, saving money to attend future workshops, carving out time to practice at home daily, drive to Dallas for Sunday classes, whatever needs to be done. I left wanting to make those changes and still do. I was on a high. A yogic high of acceptance, confirmation and passion.

All of this in 5 simple words....."Your practice is your teacher."